Already at an early age, the author recognizes that "something is wrong". More and more he feels uncomfortable in his boys' clothes, secretly tries on his mother's clothes, and begins to put on make-up. It is an inner, inevitable, and growing compulsion over the years to feel like a woman and to dress accordingly. Nevertheless, he enters into a bourgeois marriage and believes that he will find his way "to normality". In vain. Nevertheless, the marriage is still stable today and supported by a high degree of mutual tolerance and affection.
The social constraints of the time – the author lived in the GDR – made it forbidden to make his inclinations and longings public.
Thus, the game of hide-and-seek and the constant fears of being discovered were his constant companions. It was only with the fall of the Berlin Wall that life became easier for him, even though his professional reputation initially made it impossible to come out. At least he now had access to the possibilities to tread the path into transsexuality. So he finally finds his liberating identity as a woman in old age. The author describes his path from transvestism into transsexuality, which is constantly accompanied by intolerance and incomprehension of his forbidden self, his »other« way of life. With this book, he takes his last step for the time being to make this long and difficult path of development public.
The book is a plea for tolerance towards minorities, and it gives the courage to acknowledge one's otherness. It is always self-critical but also carried by humor that secures the author the sympathy he deserves for his openness and his unshakable consistency. This is the first book written by Raphaela Ahnert. Her second book is "Mein Leben im Anderssein - mein Ich" (A Life of Being Different - My Self), published in 2002.
Available via genderwunderland.de
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