“Getting to Ellen: A Memoir about Love, Honesty and Gender Change” by Ellen Krug is a deeply moving account of what it means to live authentically, even when doing so demands extraordinary courage and immense personal sacrifice. The memoir chronicles the gender journey of Ellen Krug, a woman born into a male body, and invites readers to reflect on the profound question of what it truly costs to live as one’s genuine self.
Before her transition, Ellen was Ed Krug, a man whose life seemed flawless from the outside. He had a loving partner, Lydia, two daughters, a beautiful home in an ideal neighborhood, and a highly successful career as a trial lawyer. To the world, Ed had achieved what many might consider the pinnacle of a well-lived life, a “Grand Plan” illustrated perfectly in pastel hues, yet beneath this veneer, Ed struggled with deep-seated fears and the lingering pain of a childhood marked by alcoholism and the trauma of a parent’s suicide. Ellen’s story illuminates how these internal conflicts, compounded by societal expectations, shaped the journey toward embracing her true identity.
The memoir is not merely about the logistics of transitioning but about the human experience of navigating fear, loss, love, and honesty. As Ed confronted the reality that to become Ellen, she would need to relinquish a life carefully built over decades, including the love of Lydia, readers witness the extraordinary courage required to live authentically. The narrative forces the question of choice: how can someone give up everything familiar for the promise of living honestly, and conversely, how can anyone avoid this path without betraying their own identity? Through her openness, Ellen makes it clear that authenticity is not simply a personal luxury but a fundamental necessity, and her story resonates far beyond the transgender experience, touching on the universal human struggle to balance personal truth with the expectations and attachments that define our lives.
Beyond the memoir, Ellen Krug’s life exemplifies the intersection of advocacy, professional achievement, and personal transformation. Born in Newark, New Jersey in 1956 and raised in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, she pursued an education in law at Boston College Law School and built a distinguished career as a trial attorney, eventually opening her own civil trial law firm in Iowa. Following her transition in 2009, she made history as the first attorney in Iowa to conduct jury trials in separate genders and continued to advocate for justice as the first executive director of Call for Justice, a nonprofit assisting low-income individuals with legal resources. Ellen’s commitment to inclusion extends to her writing, speaking engagements, and her trademarked human inclusivity training, “Gray Area Thinking,” which she presents across the United States and Canada, emphasizing the importance of human connection and empathy.
In interviews, including her conversation with The Heroines of My Life, Ellen shared the deeply personal dimensions of her journey, emphasizing that her transition was not a choice but a necessity for her well-being and authenticity. She described the profound support she received from her younger brother, lifelong friends, therapist, and youngest daughter, highlighting the vital role of community in navigating life-altering change. She reflected on the universal relevance of her story, noting that readers beyond the transgender community resonate with the challenges of being true to oneself and confronting societal expectations. Ellen also shared the ongoing challenges faced by transgender individuals, from social acceptance to legal protections, stressing that the work of inclusion is ongoing and requires both courage and persistence. Ellen’s memoir is ultimately a story of resilience, transformation, and the enduring power of love and honesty. It demonstrates that while the price of authenticity may involve heartbreak and sacrifice, it also brings the incomparable reward of living as one unified, genuine self. Through her words and actions, Ellen Krug provides not only a roadmap for transgender individuals but a profound lesson for anyone striving to live authentically in a complex, often unforgiving world. “Getting to Ellen” is unforgettable, a testament to the human capacity for courage, compassion, and the pursuit of truth, and it continues to inspire readers to reflect on the choices that define their own lives and the ways in which living authentically can reshape both personal and collective experience.
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Photo via The Heroines of My Life
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