Full title: "Growing A Pair: My Life, My Way, My Words" by Shandi Strong.
In Growing A Pair: My Life, My Way, My Words, Shandi Strong peels back the layers of a life marked by rebellion, heartbreak, humor, courage, and growth. The memoir is as bold as its title suggests, offering readers an unflinching account of a transgender woman’s path to self-realization through trials that are both intensely personal and universally human. It is not just a trans story, or a survivor’s story, it is, at its heart, a human story.
Shandi Strong, writer, rocker, advocate, and aspiring politician, has worn many hats. But as she explains in her 2017 interview with The Heroines, none has fit quite so snugly as the one she wears today: a proud, visible trans woman who refuses to let anyone else define her worth or trajectory. She has taken every twist in the road and turned it into a stepping stone, sometimes bruised, but never broken. From the opening chapters, Growing A Pair charts Shandi’s evolution from a self-conscious child who learned early that conformity would be safer than authenticity, to a tenacious adult unafraid of discomfort. Assigned male at birth and raised in a world that told her she was “ordinary,” she dared to believe she could be something more. The book’s early sections are a raw exploration of identity and shame, of trying to navigate the treacherous tightrope of social expectations with a secret lodged deep in her core.
What makes this memoir stand apart is Shandi’s voice: unapologetically blunt, refreshingly funny, and deeply compassionate. She tells of growing up with dreams too big for the boxes people tried to place her in, and of carrying those dreams through early adulthood even when they seemed impossibly far away. There is humor even in pain, and moments of levity tucked into the darkest corners. But this is not a tidy coming-of-age arc. It’s far messier, and far more real. Shandi recounts the devastation of losing her job and her partner during her transition, an experience she opened up about in The Heroines interview: “I desperately tried to figure out my failings. Where had I gone wrong? Since being focused on my transition I had begun to lose focus on things like home maintenance, car repairs, basically anything that was deemed ‘masculine.’ … But then I realized, now that I was alone, if I didn’t do these things, no one would.”
Rather than see herself as incomplete without others, she chose instead to rebuild her life with her own hands, literally renovating her kitchen, reclaiming her skills, and finding unexpected pride in all that she could accomplish. As she powerfully states in the book, “They weren’t masculine or feminine skills. They were mine.” Throughout Growing A Pair, betrayal and resilience go hand in hand. Whether she’s recounting the fallout of a failed marriage or wrestling with a society that polices trans bodies, Shandi never wallows. She’s too busy forging ahead. Her mantra, “We are the sum of our experiences, and I wouldn’t change a thing”, isn’t just a pretty quote. It’s a hard-earned truth. The book also touches on her political ambitions and advocacy, especially in her role mentoring trans youth and working with local human rights organizations.
Her involvement in the Big Brothers Big Sisters program, where she proudly mentors a transgender “Little Sister,” speaks volumes about her commitment to the next generation. She knows better than most how much representation and affirmation matter, and she’s determined to be the person she needed when she was younger. Yet, Shandi never falls into self-congratulation. She acknowledges her missteps, her insecurities, her ongoing battles with dysphoria and doubt. In that same interview, she described how difficult it was to accept her reflection during early transition: “I would look in the mirror daily to shave or put on my makeup and always see ‘him.’ Until a dear friend told me that, ‘One day, you will just see you.’ That resonated. And eventually, it happened.”
Growing A Pair is full of such moments, quiet, hard-won revelations that build the scaffolding of confidence. They’re not always beautiful. But they are always honest. Friends today can’t imagine Shandi as anyone other than who she is: outspoken, insightful, and yes, strong. Her journey is far from over, and the book closes not with a neat resolution but with a sense of continuity. There are new goals, a new partner, and a new book on the horizon, this time, possibly a sci-fi trilogy with a transgender protagonist. Of course, it will be fierce. For those who feel like outsiders, Growing A Pair offers a roadmap of grit and grace. For transgender readers, it provides visibility, kinship, and hope. For everyone else, it’s a master class in listening, learning, and unlearning. Shandi Strong doesn’t ask for sympathy. She just wants to tell her story in her own words. And in doing so, she invites us all to reexamine the limits we place on ourselves, and to break them, one brave choice at a time.
Available via Amazon
Photo via The Heroines of My Life
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