Marie-Josée Enard’s Vouloir être: transsexuelle, femme et mère is a profound exploration of identity, desire, and the human need for recognition and love. It is at once a memoir, a philosophical reflection, and a testimony of survival against immense adversity.
From the earliest years of her life, Marie-Josée, called José as a child, was confronted with a world that could not accept her. Her difference was apparent, marked by a subtle, almost mystical understanding of herself: the child as hermaphrodite, the “sex of angels,” innocent, pure, yet rejected by society. Even as a child, she sensed the impossibility of such purity in the harsh, judgmental world around her. At school, her peers cruelly labeled her “la gonzesse,” highlighting the unrelenting pressure to conform to socially prescribed notions of masculinity. At home, the impositions and expectations of her family further complicated her sense of self, while her mother’s eventual illness allowed her a fleeting opportunity to claim agency in the household. These early experiences of exclusion, misunderstanding, and abuse forged a resilience that would define her life. José learned to assert herself not through words, which were denied her by secrecy and societal silence, but through acts, through the careful construction of her own identity in clothing, behavior, and even play.
The narrative moves seamlessly from childhood to adolescence, capturing the extraordinary ways in which Marie-Josée navigated trauma, marginalization, and systemic oppression. Her experiences at the Centre d’Apprentissage are harrowing, exposing the cruel and abusive structures that sought to mold her into conformity. Yet even in the face of sexual violence and humiliation, José demonstrates remarkable fortitude, refusing to let her spirit be entirely broken. This period of her life is critical not only for the challenges it presents but for the way it catalyzes her understanding of herself as separate from the expectations and abuses imposed by others. It is here, in these moments of suffering and confrontation with injustice, that Marie-Josée begins to fully embrace her own agency, learning that her body, her identity, and her will can be instruments of survival and defiance.
As the story progresses into adulthood, the desire for motherhood becomes a central axis of her life. Marie-Josée’s dream of becoming a mother, long denied by her own biology and society’s constraints, finds a miraculous opportunity in the figure of Rosalie, a young woman unable or unwilling to raise her child. The ethical and emotional stakes are immense: adopting Anthony is not simply a matter of law, which would never formally recognize her right, but an act of love, vision, and persistence. She navigates the bureaucratic and societal obstacles with care and determination, ensuring that her role as mother is more than symbolic, it is a lived, daily reality defined by affection, protection, and profound responsibility. In this, the narrative illuminates the ways in which motherhood itself can be an expression of identity and agency, a means of creating a family in defiance of the limitations imposed by biology or law.
Throughout the memoir, Enard interweaves philosophical reflections on gender, sex, and identity. Her story challenges conventional notions of masculinity and femininity, illustrating that the categories society imposes often fail to capture the complexity of human experience. The text reveals that the lived reality of a trans woman is not reducible to anatomy or legal recognition, but is constituted through the interaction of desire, social pressures, familial bonds, and personal courage. Her journey is one of self-authorship: from the streets and cabarets of France to the recognition of her womanhood by the courts, and finally to the fulfillment of her dream of motherhood, every stage reflects her determination to define herself on her own terms.
Yet the book is not merely an account of personal triumph. It is also a meditation on suffering, exclusion, and resilience. The childhood humiliations, the abuses of institutions, the societal scorn, all underscore the systemic violence faced by those who transgress conventional boundaries of sex and gender. Marie-Josée’s story, in its specificity, opens a window onto universal themes: the desire to be seen, to be loved, and to belong. Even in the moments of deepest pain, there is a persistent striving for authenticity, an insistence on being more than the sum of what society dictates. Her life becomes a testament to the power of human will, love, and imagination to carve out a place of dignity, even in a world structured to deny it.
Vouloir être ultimately affirms that identity, motherhood, and self-expression are inseparable. The narrative shows how the pursuit of womanhood and parenthood can be both a personal necessity and a political act, challenging societal norms and insisting on recognition. Marie-Josée Enard’s courage and tenacity, her capacity to transform suffering into creative and loving action, make this book not only a memoir but a manifesto of resilience, authenticity, and the irrepressible human longing to belong and to nurture. It is a work that invites empathy, challenges preconceptions, and celebrates the indomitable spirit of a woman who, against all odds, became the author of her own destiny.
Available via gallica.bnf.fr
and fnac.com
Post a Comment