When Emilia Japonka published Zrozumienie (Understanding), she was not only releasing another book but also opening a new chapter in the ongoing conversation about identity, acceptance, and the emotional journey of gender transition. Japonka is widely recognized as one of the first transgender people in Poland to publicly share her story. An activist, columnist, editor of the TransNews portal, and co-founder of Poland’s largest online support group for transgender people, she has been a voice of inspiration for many.
Her next work, Tranzycja (Transition), made history as the world’s first mental guide to gender transition. But while Transition focused on the step-by-step process of aligning one’s gender identity, Understanding looks deeper. It is less about technical procedures and more about navigating emotions, resilience, and self-perception, the invisible yet powerful dimensions of transition.
Before diving into the themes of Understanding, it’s essential to understand who Emilia Japonka is. She often jokes about being a “Renaissance woman to the third power,” because she doesn’t fit into a single category. A mother of twin girls raising four children in total, she balances motherhood with professional creativity and spiritual curiosity. Her life has included activism, cultural events, theatre collaborations, public speaking, and humanitarian projects like “Rainbow Christmas Eve.”
Thanks to the interview for Heroines of My Life, we find out that Emilia’s personal journey has been anything but easy. Like many trans people in Poland, she has faced moments of isolation, media misrepresentation, online hate, and professional challenges. Yet she has always responded with humor and wisdom, calling the trials of her transition “the joy I went through.” It is precisely this ability to transform hardship into strength that flows into her writing.
She wrote Zrozumienie after years of experience, her own transition, activism, and countless interactions with people at various stages of self-discovery. She wanted to create a book that wasn’t just about her but about everyone struggling to find clarity in their identity.
One of the strongest threads in the book is her openness about recognizing her identity as early as elementary school. She describes hiding feminine clothes and creating secret spaces for small treasures. For many trans readers, these confessions feel deeply familiar. In Zrozumienie, she encourages readers to reflect on their own early experiences, not to suppress them, but to see them as clues to their authentic self.
Her reflections on resilience are equally powerful. She describes hate as a “voodoo doll.” Just as such a doll only works on someone who believes in its power, so too hate only hurts when we let it. “Hate is an illusion,” she writes. “It only touches you if you let it.” This metaphor captures her broader philosophy that inner strength can neutralize the destructive force of prejudice.
Equally important is her rejection of the idea of transition as a single moment of completion. Instead, she envisions it as a gradient, a process that shifts gradually, with days of triumph and days of doubt.She warns that binary thinking (“I am done” or “I have failed”) can lead to depression or detransition. Instead, she urges readers to embrace the process, to let time do its work, much like watching a child grow.
She also cautions against placing too much emphasis on appearance. Makeup and surgeries can only go so far. “We pay too much attention to how we look and too little to how we behave, think, move, and speak,” she argues. To make her point, she asks readers: “How would you convince a blind person of your gender if we removed the sound of your voice?” This shift from surface to essence is at the heart of her message.
For Emilia, happiness after transition is not about perfection or constant joy. It is about moments, time with children, spiritual connection, creativity. She contrasts the consumerist pursuit of “more” with the deeper bliss that comes from meditation, mantras, and self-discovery. “True happiness,” she writes, “comes when you meet your soul.”
Beyond books, Emilia Japonka continues to inspire through cultural projects, photography, and spiritual exploration. Her fascination with Indian culture, her time spent in ashrams, and her encounters with hijras in India have all enriched her perspective on identity and resilience. These experiences also filter into Zrozumienie, making it not only a guide for trans people but also a broader reflection on humanity’s search for authenticity.
In a country where transgender issues are often politicized and misunderstood, Emilia Japonka’s Zrozumienie offers something rare: clarity, honesty, and compassion. It is a book that does not dwell in self-pity but instead uplifts, encourages, and guides. It tells readers, trans or not, that understanding begins with oneself and that resilience is not about avoiding pain but about transforming it.
For anyone seeking to better understand gender transition, identity, and the pursuit of inner peace, Zrozumienie is more than a book. It is a companion, a reminder that courage and compassion can turn even the hardest paths into journeys of meaning.
Available via emijaponka.pl
Photo via Heroines of My Life
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