Hung in the Middle: A Journey of Gender Discovery is an engaging and deeply personal memoir by Alana Nicole Sholar that chronicles her bittersweet journey of growing up transgender in Kentucky during an era when gender identity was taboo, misunderstood, and utterly silenced.
Born in 1961 as Alan, Alana’s early life unfolded in a close-knit, church-going family immersed in the rural traditions of central Kentucky’s Bluegrass region, an area renowned for its thoroughbred horse farms.
Alan’s childhood was marked by a secret, an inner truth that he didn’t yet understand but instinctively knew was essential to his sense of self. One of his earliest, most vivid memories, also featured on the book’s cover, was the sensation of putting on his mother’s clothes. This act, simple yet profound, gave Alan a fleeting but powerful glimpse into the person he was meant to be. Yet, the societal and cultural environment of 1960s rural Kentucky offered no safe space for such feelings to be voiced or explored. As a result, Alan spent years in self-denial and hiding, carrying his truth alone in silence.
For much of his early adult life, Alan worked a series of blue-collar jobs familiar to many middle-class Americans, laboring on Kentucky’s famed thoroughbred farms, training to become a jockey, working in construction, driving trucks, and factory work.
Despite these conventional roles, Alan’s internal struggle with gender identity persisted, shaped by fear, confusion, and isolation.
The memoir candidly explores Alan’s tumultuous twenties and thirties, a period defined by attempts to suppress and evade his feelings. Driven by fear of self-acceptance, Alan became a fast-driving, hard-drinking, pill-popping guitar player with a sex addiction, seeking refuge in multiple partner encounters and the complex consequences that followed. Yet, amid this chaos, a quiet yearning for authenticity grew.
A turning point came in the mid-2000s. In 2005, Alan took the crucial first step of legally changing her name to Alana Nicole, symbolizing the beginning of a profound personal transformation.As Alana, she wrestled with what it would mean to embrace her true identity fully, imagining what it might be like to be with a man and confronting the irreversible nature of transition. Hung in the Middle is more than a memoir about physical or medical transition, it is a story about self-love, courage, and resilience. It is about falling in love with someone who seems inaccessible and learning never to give up, both on others and on oneself. At its heart, this is a love story: a love for one’s true self and a testament to 21st-century America’s evolving acceptance and celebration of gender diversity. Despite coming out publicly through her memoir, Alana continues to live in the small town of Versailles, Kentucky, where she has built a life filled with love and family. She is married, a mother to a son, and a grandmother to a granddaughter, embodying the fullness of her identity in the community where her journey began.
For readers seeking further insight into Alana’s experiences and perspectives, an illuminating interview is available on The Heroines Blog, where Alana discusses her transition, the challenges she faced, and her hopes for a more understanding world. Hung in the Middle: A Journey of Gender Discovery is a compelling, heartfelt narrative that encourages anyone on their own path of self-discovery. Alana Nicole Sholar’s story reminds us that while the road to authenticity can be fraught with fear and hardship, it is ultimately a journey worth taking, for everyone is, in some way, “hung in the middle” of discovering who they truly are.
Available via Amazon
Photo via The Heroines of My Life.
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