In Ich bin (k)ein Mann: Als Transgender glücklich leben (translated: I Am (Not) a Man: Living Happily as a Transgender Person), Jula Böge opens an honest and deeply human window into the complex terrain of gender identity, offering a vital resource for anyone navigating, witnessing, or seeking to understand life beyond binary norms.
Published in German, this quietly groundbreaking book merges personal narrative with pragmatic advice, and emerges as both a memoir and a survival guide.
At its heart lies a central question: How can one find happiness when they feel like a woman but live in a man’s body, or vice versa? Böge’s response is neither sensational nor overly idealized. It is grounded in reality: through self-acceptance, persistence, humor, and resilience, a fulfilling life is not only possible, but within reach.
Böge uses the German term Pendler, a commuter, to describe the experience of being transgender, a crossdresser, or a transvestite. It's a powerful metaphor. These individuals are travelers between gendered worlds, navigating between societal expectations and their internal truths. What makes this journey especially fraught is not merely the personal confusion that may come with gender dysphoria, but the social friction it ignites. Many, as Böge points out, suffer not because of their identity, but because of how others respond to it, particularly family.
In her book, Böge writes from lived experience. Born in 1960, she has spent much of her life balancing a professional and family life as a male-presenting jurist in a major company, while identifying internally as a woman. She is a husband and a father. And she is also, unmistakably, a woman. Her life embodies the tension many transgender individuals must negotiate: living between visibility and secrecy, acceptance and alienation.
This duality doesn’t make her bitter; instead, it deepens her empathy. She does not claim to have found a perfect formula, but her experiences point to strategies that can make the road easier.
What sets Ich bin (k)ein Mann apart is its concrete guidance.
In her 2014 interview with The Heroines blog (available here), Böge explains this further. When asked about what she would say to other transgender people, she emphasized: “Try to understand yourself first. Accept who you are. And then try to live your life as freely as possible, without hurting others, or yourself.” This principle is the emotional and ethical compass of her writing.
While Böge writes primarily for transgender readers, her work also functions as a bridge for cisgender individuals who want to understand more. She doesn’t shy away from the emotional complexity of her situation, but she also refuses to let it become a spectacle. Instead, she invites readers into her world with clarity and grace, challenging misconceptions with the steady hand of someone who has thought long and hard about identity.
By sharing her personal story with honesty and a touch of humor, she breaks through abstract debates and makes the trans experience legible and real. For readers who might otherwise never have engaged with transgender realities, Böge’s book offers a human introduction. She neither begs for sympathy nor demands political allegiance. She simply tells the truth. Ultimately, Ich bin (k)ein Mann is a celebration of survival and joy. It doesn’t promise easy answers, but it offers light where there was once only confusion or shame. In times when anti-trans sentiment is rising in many parts of the world, Böge’s decision to share her story, especially as someone who doesn’t fit common narratives of “trans visibility”, is all the more courageous and necessary. For those questioning their identity, for those loving someone who is transitioning, and for those committed to building a more inclusive world, this book is a valuable companion. Jula Böge reminds us that living happily as a transgender person is not an abstract dream. It is an act of courage, care, and quiet rebellion, and it is absolutely possible.
Available via Amazon
photo via The Heroines of My Life.
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