In her deeply personal and moving book Monica, mijn vader, Dutch author Maaike Sips invites readers into the heart of a family transformed by one extraordinary revelation. After retiring, her father, once a self-assured and unapologetic macho man, announces that he no longer wishes to live as a man. He wants to transition and live the rest of his life as a woman named Monica. This declaration, made one quiet Sunday afternoon in January 2012, shatters the familiar image Maaike had of her father and sets her on an emotional and reflective journey through her family’s shared past.
The book, translated also into German under the title Papa Monica: Als mein Vater plötzlich kein Mann mehr sein wollte und ich versuchte, cool zu bleiben (Papa Monica: When suddenly my father didn’t want to be a man anymore and I tried to remain cool), captures the complexity of love, identity, and acceptance within a family facing change. Sips writes with tenderness and humor about her father’s transformation, balancing the shock and confusion of losing the father she once knew with the curiosity of discovering Monica, a woman who feels both familiar and new. Monica, unlike Cees, her former self, brings warmth, openness, and an unexpected sense of connection. She enjoys talking about shoes and fashion, and she expresses a family-oriented spirit that had long been hidden behind the facade of the old patriarch.
Growing up near Amsterdam, Maaike was used to her father’s larger-than-life personality. He had been a classic example of old-fashioned masculinity, proud, flirtatious, and sometimes insensitive. Her parents had separated years earlier, yet Maaike maintained contact with him despite his flaws and infidelities. His announcement that he would “get an operation” and live as a woman forced her to reconsider everything she thought she knew about him. Suddenly, memories from her youth began to shift in meaning. Every joke, every gesture, every story from the past became a clue in a larger mystery. Had Monica always been there, quietly hidden behind Cees’s stubborn mask?
Maaike begins to research transgender experiences and the process of gender transition, trying to make sense of her father’s decision. Her curiosity turns into an investigation of identity itself. How well do we ever know our parents? How much of who they are is shaped by social expectation and how much is buried under years of conformity? The more she learns, the more she sees that her father’s transformation is not an abrupt change but a slow unveiling of a truth that had been there all along. When she asks him how long he has known, he answers simply, “My whole life.” That moment becomes the emotional center of the book, the quiet acknowledgment of a lifelong secret finally spoken aloud.
Sips approaches this deeply sensitive subject without sentimentality. Her tone is honest, often ironic, and occasionally self-deprecating, revealing her struggle to stay “cool” amid a whirlwind of emotions. She portrays both the confusion and the beauty of adaptation. Her father’s transition forces her to confront her own understanding of gender, family, and love. In losing the man who once defined her idea of a father, she gains a woman who opens her eyes to a new kind of intimacy. The story becomes not only about Monica’s liberation but also about Maaike’s personal growth and the redefinition of their relationship.
Published by Knaur Verlag, Papa Monica has resonated widely with readers for its combination of humor, empathy, and candor. It does not seek to idealize or simplify the process of transition but instead captures the awkwardness, misunderstandings, and laughter that coexist with pain and transformation. Through her writing, Sips reveals that the bonds between parent and child are not fixed but capable of renewal, even after profound change.
Ultimately, Monica, mijn vader is not just a story about a father becoming a woman. It is about the courage to live authentically and the willingness of those who love us to evolve alongside us. It asks readers to look beyond gender and see the person underneath. Maaike’s journey toward understanding Monica mirrors the universal journey of learning to accept the people we love, not as who they were, but as who they truly are.
Available via bol.com
Post a Comment