When it comes to storytelling, few things resonate more powerfully than honesty. Christi Brekke, a writer, blogger, and memoirist from the Pacific Northwest, embodies this principle through her candid and heartfelt memoir, I Want to Be Her (2016).
In her book, Christi chronicles a life marked by decades of depression, health struggles, and gender dysphoria, ultimately leading to her transition and the discovery of authentic happiness. Originally written as a form of therapy and self-reflection, her memoir has become a beacon for many in the transgender community, offering hope, recognition, and solidarity to those who see their own experiences reflected in her words.
Before her transition, Christi led a life filled with both ordinary and creative endeavors. She wore many hats: she waited tables, washed cars, tossed pizzas, and folded tacos as a teenager and young adult. After marrying, she pursued work in accounts payable, music ministry, and even as a high school music teacher. Music remained a constant through all stages of her life, providing both passion and comfort.
In 2014, after decades of internal struggle, Christi made the courageous decision to transition from male to female. Her decision came after years of depression, overeating, and general misery. By 2015, she had penned and self-published her memoir, I Want to Be Her, sharing her journey from childhood, adolescence, and adulthood into the early stages of her transition.
When asked about the intersection of her health and transition, Christi reflected for The Heroines of My Life, “In 2011, I weighed 350 lbs. and was diagnosed with type II diabetes, high cholesterol, and liver disease. Gender dysphoria weighed heavily on me, and eating and drinking were my primary self-soothing activities. My doctor told me to lose 100 lbs. in a year or begin making my final arrangements. How did I do it? Diet, calorie restriction, and exercise, plain and simple. I went vegan immediately, watched my calorie intake, and did more physical activities.”
Despite her initial success, Christi notes that it was her transition and the start of hormone replacement therapy (HRT) that finally allowed her to overcome her health challenges. “Once I made the decision to transition, and especially once I started HRT, the dysphoria went away and so too did my need to self-soothe with food and drink. I’m no longer diabetic, and my liver has fully recovered. My weight and health problems were a direct manifestation of my dysphoria… and now that the dysphoria is gone, my health problems are gone. My ultimate goal is 175 lbs. As of right now, I have 30 lbs. to go.”
Her memoir has evolved over time. Originally titled I Don’t Want to Fck Her, I Want to Be Her*, the first edition was a raw and abrasive reflection of her dysphoria. The revised edition maintains the same narrative but with updates, short stories, and bonus material, now conveyed with less profanity and bitterness, emphasizing hope and empowerment.
While Christi acknowledges that her experience may be uncommon, she notes certain universal aspects. “Some experiences are universal, such as the first time you go out in public presenting as female or use a ladies’ restroom. For me, the key was confidence, or at least the perception of it. I was terrified the first time I used a public ladies’ room, but I held my head high, smiled, and pretended as though I had done it a thousand times. After a short while, the fear started to subside and the confidence came naturally.”
Her journey also highlights the importance of role models. Caitlyn Jenner’s public transition was pivotal, opening the door for Christi to embrace her identity. Later, figures like Jennifer Finney Boylan, Janet Mock, and Jazz Jennings offered guidance, while contemporary leaders such as Sarah McBride and Kristin Beck continue to inspire her advocacy work.
Christi’s reflections extend beyond personal transformation to social and political advocacy. She observes that while the transgender community is often grouped within the larger LGBTQ umbrella, some issues, like access to public facilities, require independent attention. She is also actively involved in advocacy at the state and local level, writing to legislators and supporting those who lobby publicly.
Christi is both critical and hopeful about media portrayals of transgender lives. While sensationalized news often focuses on hardship, she finds inspiration in both real-life figures and fictional characters. Shows like Transparent and Orange Is the New Black demonstrate the growing visibility of trans narratives, whether as central stories or integrated into broader plots.
Beyond her activism, Christi emphasizes the importance of love and personal fulfillment. She has been married to the same woman for over twenty years, a relationship that endured her struggles and embraced her fully after transition. Fashion and self-expression also play a role in her happiness. Once limited by gender dysphoria, Christi now enjoys colorful, conventional clothing and participates in the joys of everyday life with confidence and comfort.
Creativity continues to flourish in Christi’s life. Her first novel, Randi and the Maestro, was released in 2017, and she is currently finalizing Dark Artemis: The Escape, a story of resilience, love, and ambition.
Through her writing, both memoir and fiction, Christi seeks to inspire others to embrace hope, pursue happiness, and live authentically.
For those struggling with gender dysphoria, Christi offers this advice: “Hope above all things. Hope that, soon, trans awareness will reach the point where we don’t have to feel afraid or ashamed to admit we have gender dysphoria and seek help. Hope that such help will one day be more readily available. And hope that all the world will one day embrace our uniqueness and no longer keep us relegated to the fringes of society out of fear and ignorance. The cure is so simple and effective… information and hormones. My hope is that one day, no trans person will have to suffer from gender dysphoria.”
I Want to Be Her is more than a memoir, it is a testament to courage, transformation, and the pursuit of joy. Christi Brekke’s story reminds readers that self-acceptance, love, and hope are attainable, even after years of struggle. Her journey, as shared in her memoir and in conversations like my interview with her, is a powerful beacon for anyone navigating identity, health challenges, and the quest for authentic living.
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