Scottie Jeanette Madden - Getting Back to Me

2015, English, Marcy Madden, Scottie Jeanette Madden,

Full title: "Getting Back to Me: from girl to boy to woman in just fifty years" by Scottie Jeanette Madden. In 2017, Marcy Madden, Scottie's wife, published her own book about her relationship with Scottie - "Just Because My Husband's A Woman...".

"No one could guess that Scottie, a top survival showrunner for Discovery and History Channels, known for leading über-male productions in the world’s most dangerous locations, was losing a lifelong battle for her soul. It takes faith and true love in and from her wife, for Scottie to shake off fifty years of expectations from her family, society and herself. But first, she must face down her own denial to dismantle the walls of a self-imposed prison. 

Scottie’s articulate and insightful perspective shines new light on the transgender experience, but it's her deeply personal confession told with unflinching clarity, inspiring courage, and engaging humor, that makes her story a must-read for any human, of any persuasion. Hers is a love story that will inspire and affirm everyone."

In 2017, I interviewed Scottie and this is what she told me about the book: "like all the other mediums in my life - writing a book was always on the plan - and the subject started as my own LOTR and along the way became any subject that took my soul, but that wasn't appropriate for any of the other mediums that are at my fingertips... that list (entitled "books I will write" in the file drawer in my head) became the thing that I will do when I get... "the time" that mythic beast that seems to be more elusive with every passing year... ... until my body and soul revolted.

I had a life strategy - I had developed very elaborate and robust coping mechanisms to keep my gender dysphoria from derailing my life. Some were the constant behavioral monitoring systems that kept my true self under lock and key, others were the monthly "lockdown" that I had to institute to brace for the hijacker - a severe bout that would seize my body (oh yes it was visceral) and mind (like being on meth and LSD simultaneously), for days.

And one day I had a system-wide failure. My entire body literally threw up the truth of what and who I was to my wife of then 20 years. And for five years after that, we pretended that though this was true about me, just knowing the truth would be good enough. Until it wasn't. So I knew the very visceral consequence of continuing to deny reality. And... I started to come all the way out. And I kept coming..."

Available via Amazon

and The Heroines of My Life