In Jag har ångrat mig, Vanessa López offers a raw, unfiltered, and deeply courageous account of her life as a transgender woman in Sweden, a country often perceived as a beacon of progressive values but where, until not long ago, legal gender recognition came at the cruel cost of forced sterilization and invasive surgeries. This powerful memoir, López’s literary debut, is not just a personal testimony. It is a call for awareness, compassion, and justice.
Born in Chile in 1983 and raised in Malmö, Vanessa López began her gender transition at just 17 years old. At the time, Swedish law required full gender-confirmation surgery, including sterilization, for legal gender change. This policy pushed Vanessa into a decision that would alter the course of her life forever. The title, Jag har ångrat mig, which translates as I Changed My Mind, is intentionally provocative. It dares readers to confront assumptions about regret, identity, and bodily autonomy. But rather than being a simplistic expression of regret, it is a nuanced exploration of the high price that can accompany the pursuit of authenticity under oppressive systems.
What makes López’s narrative so compelling is its brutal honesty. She does not romanticize her journey. She shares how, as a minor seeking help from a medical system ill-equipped to support trans youth, she was pushed to the margins, forced into street life where danger and vulnerability were constant companions. Her descriptions of this period are intimate and sometimes difficult to read, but they serve an essential purpose: to expose the inhumanity that still haunts too many transgender experiences, even in so-called enlightened societies.
López writes with clarity and urgency, painting a vivid picture of a teenage girl trapped in a body and a system that refuse to acknowledge her truth. The memoir becomes a mirror, not only reflecting Vanessa’s life but also confronting Swedish society with its own failings. Her story underscores the consequences of policies that prioritize control over care, conformity over humanity.
Throughout the book, López examines what it means to live in a body that is medicalized, politicized, and often misunderstood. She questions who gets to define womanhood and at what cost. Yet amid the trauma and pain, there is resilience, humor, and the quiet strength of someone who has refused to be erased.
I had the privilege of interviewing Vanessa López in 2014 for my blog, The Heroines of My Life. Even then, it was clear that Vanessa’s voice was one of sharp insight and fearless authenticity. In that conversation, she spoke about beauty pageants, activism, the Swedish healthcare system, and the internal conflicts that shaped her evolution. Reading Jag har ångrat mig is like diving deeper into the soul of the woman I met during that interview, wiser, more reflective, and still fiercely committed to telling the truth.
This memoir is not for the faint of heart. It challenges readers to sit with discomfort, to listen without judgment, and to rethink what we believe about gender, regret, and resilience. But most of all, it leaves you with a profound respect for those who fight to live authentically in a world that often demands their silence.
Jag har ångrat mig is a book that demands to be read, not just by those interested in transgender issues, but by anyone who values truth, courage, and the power of personal storytelling to reshape public consciousness.
Vanessa López has given us a story that is as intimate as it is political. In doing so, she has not only reclaimed her own narrative, but paved the way for others to do the same.
Available via adlibris.com
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