Toshimi Tanio - A Letter From a Father

2023, Japanese, Toshimi Tanio,

Original title: "パパだけど、ママになりました　女性として生きることを決めた「パパ」が、「ママ」として贈る最愛のわが子への手紙" (A letter from a father who decided to live as a woman to his beloved child as a mother) by Toshimi Tanio 谷生 俊美

This heartfelt statement from Toshimi Tanio, a transgender woman and film producer, captures a powerful and emotional story about identity, love, family, and the journey of parenthood beyond traditional boundaries. Toshimi’s book, A Letter From a Father, delves deeply into her lived experience as a transgender woman who, despite complex challenges, embraces motherhood alongside her partner. 

 

Born and raised as a man, Toshimi Tanio lived most of her early life feeling a disconnect with the gender assigned at birth. Since childhood, he harbored a quiet but persistent wish to live as a woman. Despite this internal truth, Toshimi lived as a man into adulthood and built a successful career as a reporter and correspondent, even serving as the Cairo bureau chief for Nippon Television from 2005. It was during her time covering conflict zones in the Middle East that Toshimi’s yearning to live authentically intensified. Faced with life’s fragility and the urgency to live without regrets, she began gradually embracing her true self, first by wearing neutral clothing and light makeup, and then by openly expressing his desire to live as a woman. Upon returning to Japan in 2010, and with the support of her employer and a mental health diagnosis of gender identity disorder, Toshimi began hormone therapy and embarked on her gender transition at age 39.

 

While stationed in Egypt, Toshimi met the woman who would become his partner. Upon their reunion in Japan, Toshimi appeared fully as a woman, makeup and attire included, and was met with acceptance and love. Their relationship blossomed beyond gender labels, bonded deeply by the connection of their souls rather than traditional gender roles. In 2013, Toshimi proposed, and by 2014, they were officially registered as a married couple in Japan’s family registry. This union was not just a testament to their love, but also a commitment to building a family, a family defined by affection and understanding, rather than societal norms.

 

One of the most poignant parts of Toshimi’s story is the decision to pursue parenthood, a journey fraught with emotional and physical hurdles. Starting female hormone therapy meant that Toshimi’s fertility would decline rapidly and eventually be lost. At the time, Toshimi accepted that having biological children was likely impossible and never spoke of this hope to his partner. However, two years into their marriage, his partner brought up the possibility of having a child, whether biological or otherwise. This sparked serious discussions about options, including adoption and fertility treatments. Medical tests revealed that Toshimi’s sperm count was drastically low, less than ten sperm per sample, compared to millions in a healthy adult male. Yet, through microinsemination, a method where a single sperm is injected directly into an egg under a microscope, they were able to create fertilized eggs. Despite these successes, implantation and pregnancy were difficult to achieve, with multiple unsuccessful embryo transfers and heartbreaking miscarriages. The emotional toll on both partners was profound, marked by feelings of self-blame, stress, and the crushing weight of hope and disappointment. 

 

After about two years of persistent treatment, a much-needed break in New Zealand helped Toshimi’s partner recover emotionally and physically. On a subsequent vacation in Germany, the couple allowed themselves to enjoy life more fully, drinking and relaxing without the constant anxiety of fertility struggles. Shortly after returning, the miraculous news came, his partner was pregnant. The pregnancy journey was cautious and full of awe. Toshimi describes the overwhelming joy of seeing the tiny life on ultrasound, the growing connection to the child, and the determination not to be ashamed but proud of their family. When their daughter, Momo-chan, was born, Toshimi was present at the birth, a moment marked by profound love, tears, and wonder. Seeing the newborn’s beautiful red skin and feeling the miracle of life overcame years of hardship and uncertainty. 

 

Toshimi’s story is more than just a narrative of transition; it is a redefinition of parenthood itself. Though assigned male at birth and still legally recognized as a father, Toshimi lives and loves as a mother. She raises Momo-chan not simply as “dad” or “mom,” but as a caregiver and parent whose gender identity transcends traditional roles. In interviews, Toshimi emphasizes that raising children is about love and commitment, not about conforming to strict notions of “motherhood” or “fatherhood.” Her family’s experience challenges society’s perceptions and offers a hopeful vision of family life that embraces diversity and authenticity. 

 

Toshimi Tanio’s journey and book come at a time when discussions around transgender rights and family structures are gaining global attention but still face many cultural and legal obstacles, especially in Japan. Her story offers visibility and validation to transgender individuals who dream of parenthood, affirming that gender identity and reproductive challenges need not be barriers to forming loving families. As a public figure and commentator, Toshimi uses her platform to foster understanding and acceptance. Her story invites society to rethink rigid gender binaries and to appreciate the profound human experiences of love, loss, and family beyond conventional definitions. 

 

A Letter From a Father by Toshimi Tanio is a deeply moving testament to resilience, love, and the courage to live authentically. It chronicles a remarkable journey, from a conflicted childhood to a successful career, from gender transition to marriage, and through the difficult yet joyful path to parenthood. Toshimi’s story reminds us that family is what we make of it, and that the bonds of love and commitment transcend labels and expectations. In a world still learning to embrace diversity, her voice adds hope and inspiration to countless individuals navigating their own identities and dreams.

Available via Amazon

Photos via cocreco.kodansha.co.jp and cocreco.kodansha.co.jp

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