In her courageous and deeply affecting memoir, Growing A Pair: My Life, My Way, My Words, Rachel Dover invites readers into the messy, beautiful, and unflinchingly honest terrain of self-discovery. Following the same heartfelt tone that characterized her earlier writing in And She Was, Rachel expands her story with remarkable vulnerability, painting a vivid portrait of what it means to reclaim your truth after a lifetime of denial, self-sabotage, and quiet despair.
Through raw reflections, wry humour, and moments of profound insight, Rachel charts the winding path of her gender transition with compassion, grace, and a voice all her own.
Rachel came out as transgender in mid-2018, after enduring years of self-destructive behaviour and internal struggle. Her turning point? A quiet, powerful revelation in therapy, that she could give herself permission to be who she truly was. That act of self-permission, so deceptively simple yet life-altering, became the cornerstone of the life she would go on to build. Growing A Pair explores this transition not only in terms of gender, but also in terms of reclaiming joy, purpose, and personal agency. It is not a how-to manual, but it is a beacon of hope for others navigating similar storms.
From the beginning, Rachel makes it clear that her journey has not been a linear fairytale. Her writing moves fluidly between memories of early childhood confusion, the uneasy roles she performed in adulthood (including a long-ago marriage and parenting two now-grown children), and her ongoing efforts to integrate her past with the life she now leads. With winking self-awareness, she jokes about her adult children (“they don’t always act like adults, just ask my dad”), her collection of cats, and her rural life surrounded by far more cars than any reasonable person requires. Her story is peppered with these moments of levity, which only serve to deepen the emotional resonance of her darker chapters.
Perhaps one of the most compelling aspects of Growing A Pair is Rachel’s candidness about what it means to transition later in life.
These sections are invaluable not just for those considering similar paths, but for readers seeking to better understand the everyday, embodied realities of trans lives. Still, she is quick to point out that transition is never just about the body. It’s about voice, confidence, how you move through the world, and above all, the unshakable knowledge that you are finally, finally home.
While Rachel doesn’t claim the mantle of activist, her memoir is an act of quiet advocacy. “I simply believe that I have a duty to speak up so those who can’t don’t need to,” she writes. That sense of responsibility, born not of ego but of empathy, gives her voice a gentle but undeniable authority. In sharing her truth, she helps to make space for others still searching for theirs.
Growing A Pair is not a polished tale of effortless transformation. It is a love letter to messy progress, late bloomers, chosen families, and to anyone who's ever looked in the mirror and wondered if they were allowed to be more. It offers practical wisdom wrapped in lived experience, lessons learned not in classrooms or on social media, but through tears, laughter, and the everyday bravery of showing up as yourself, even when it’s hard.
Rachel Dover’s memoir will resonate with anyone who has ever struggled with identity, anyone who has taken the long way around to happiness, and anyone who believes that it’s never too late to become the person you were always meant to be. More than anything, Growing A Pair reminds us that the real courage lies not in being fearless, but in being truthful.
In a world hungry for authenticity, Rachel Dover delivers. Her life, her way, her words, just as the title promises.
Available via Amazon
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