Original title: "Papa Monica: Als mein Vater plötzlich kein Mann mehr sein wollte und ich versuchte, cool zu bleiben" (Papa Monica: When suddenly my father didn't want to be a man anymore and I tried to remain cool) by Maaike Sips.
In Papa Monica: Als mein Vater plötzlich kein Mann mehr sein wollte und ich versuchte, cool zu bleiben, Dutch author Maaike Sips takes readers on an emotional and deeply personal journey through one of the most unexpected transformations in her life, the transition of her father into a woman named Monica. This German edition of Monica, mijn vader captures with humor, empathy, and honesty the story of a daughter trying to understand the parent she thought she knew, only to realize how much of that image was built on illusion. It is a story not only about gender and identity but also about love, family, and the delicate art of acceptance.
Maaike Sips grew up near Amsterdam, in a family where her parents had long since separated. Her father, Cees, remained part of her life despite his flaws, which included a reputation for infidelity and an old-fashioned, macho attitude. He was the kind of man who filled a room with his presence, always self-assured and unapologetically masculine. Then, on an ordinary Sunday in January 2012, everything changed. Over lunch, Cees announced that he was planning to undergo surgery and live the rest of his life as a woman. For Maaike, it was as if the earth shifted beneath her feet. The father she had always known was suddenly gone, replaced by someone new, Monica. And yet, Monica was not a stranger, at least not completely.
From that moment, Maaike’s world became a curious mixture of grief, confusion, curiosity, and rediscovery. She tried to stay cool, to appear composed, but inside she was a whirlwind of emotions. The macho man who had once bragged about his conquests and barked out advice with authority was now someone who wanted to talk about shoes, dresses, and the joys of womanhood. The transformation seemed to erase the old Cees, but it also revealed a new warmth and sensitivity that had long been hidden. Monica, unlike her former self, displayed a surprising sense of family connection and tenderness. It was as though, in shedding her old identity, she had finally found space for love and vulnerability.
The book follows Maaike’s attempt to make sense of this new reality. She begins researching transgender lives and the process of gender transition, trying to understand what it means to live as one’s true self after decades of hiding. Yet the more she learns, the more she begins to question what she truly knows about her father. Her childhood memories, once fixed and comforting, start to blur. Was the man she remembered ever fully real, or had Monica been there all along, quietly waiting for the right moment to emerge? When Maaike asks her father how long she has known she was different, Monica answers simply: “My whole life.” That answer becomes the heartbeat of the book, a simple truth that reverberates through every chapter.
Through humor and compassion, Maaike Sips explores not just the transition of her father but her own transition as a daughter coming to terms with change. She discovers that accepting Monica does not mean erasing Cees, but rather understanding that both identities are part of the same person. The love between parent and child does not disappear; it transforms, just as Monica has. What begins as a shocking revelation becomes an opportunity for healing, connection, and rediscovery. The narrative moves fluidly between past and present, weaving memories of childhood with moments of adult reflection, as Maaike uncovers layers of her father’s life that she had never known existed.
The story is filled with moments that are at once heartbreaking and endearingly funny. Monica’s newfound enthusiasm for fashion and her eagerness to bond over feminine topics provide moments of levity amid the deeper emotional terrain. Yet beneath the humor lies a poignant exploration of identity, aging, and authenticity. The fact that Cees chose to transition after retirement, at over sixty years old, gives the story an added layer of courage and defiance. It challenges societal expectations about who is allowed to change, when, and why. For Monica, this late-life transformation is not about escaping the past but about finally living without shame.
Papa Monica is not a sensational story about transformation, but a tender and human one. Maaike Sips writes with sensitivity, avoiding melodrama and judgment. Her voice is candid and often self-deprecating, reflecting the awkwardness and confusion that come with navigating new family dynamics. She does not present herself as a perfect ally or instant supporter; instead, she allows the reader to see her struggles, doubts, and slow path toward understanding. That honesty is what makes the book so relatable and moving.
In the end, Papa Monica becomes a story about seeing the person behind the labels, the one who has always been there beneath the surface. Through her father’s journey, Maaike learns to let go of rigid expectations and to embrace a more fluid, compassionate understanding of identity. What began as a shock becomes a gift, a second chance to truly know her parent. With warmth, humor, and emotional clarity, Maaike Sips shows that love, when given the space to evolve, can survive even the most profound transformations. The book, published by Knaur Verlag, is a heartfelt exploration of family, authenticity, and the courage it takes to live one’s truth, no matter how late in life that truth finally emerges.
Available via amazon.de
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