Some lives unfold quietly, tucked away in the margins of history. Paula Coffer’s life is not one of them. Her story is carved into war zones, carried across continents, and written on the battleground between fear and authenticity.
Sandbox to Sandbox: A Walk in Confidence is Paula’s memoir, and it refuses to play it safe.
The title itself is a map of her life: from the sandy shores of Vietnam, where she served three tours as a teenage sailor, to the deserts of Afghanistan, where decades later she returned in civilian service with the Department of Defense and the Department of State. Two sandboxes. Two wars. Two lives, in some ways. One as the dutiful officer and public servant, the other as a woman who fought to exist on her own terms.
For years, Paula wore her military uniforms with precision, but beneath the ribbons and the rank was a secret she dared not speak. There was no “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” in her day; there was only silence. If the truth of who she was ever slipped out, it could mean the end of her career, her honor, and the life she had built. So she carried that hidden war with her while managing payrolls, serving overseas, and saluting flags.
When she retired from the Army in 1994, Paula finally declared her own ceasefire. She chose to pursue gender reassignment surgery, knowing it would sever family ties but unwilling to keep living in half-truths. In that moment, she traded conformity for peace of mind, and silence for authenticity. That choice is at the heart of Sandbox to Sandbox.
What makes this memoir extraordinary isn’t just the military detail, though her service is remarkable in itself. It’s the candor. Paula does not sugarcoat. She writes about mistakes, about trying to numb the pain, about the brutal honesty of transition later in life. She shares her anxieties about bathrooms, the sting of family rejection, and the resilience required to move forward anyway. She talks about the practical struggles: employment, survival, the cost of being visible.
The book also reveals a surprising tenderness.
At its heart, though, the book, whether in its original form as Sandbox to Sandbox or the reissue, is about the courage to own one’s journey. Paula’s life reminds us that confidence isn’t something given by rank, medals, or even acceptance. It’s something forged in the fire of loss, risk, and unshakable truth.
Paula Coffer has walked through literal and figurative battlefields. She has known duty, danger, sacrifice, and reinvention. And through it all, she teaches us this: strength is not about never stumbling, it is about refusing to retreat. Sandbox to Sandbox: A Walk in Confidence is not just the story of one woman’s transition, it is the story of what it means to live authentically, even when the cost is high, and to keep walking forward, always, in confidence.
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