Selja Ahava - Ennen kuin mieheni katoaa

2017, Finnish, Selja Ahava,

Original title: "Ennen kuin mieheni katoaa" (Before my husband disappears) by Selja Ahava.

I found this fantastic review: "You may be a woman, but does it need to be seen?" This is how the Finnish writer Selja Ahava has written in her autofiction novel, where she has written down her thoughts and feelings during the period when her husband suddenly exclaims one day after 10 years of marriage that he has always wanted to be a woman.

Selja Ahava has written her thoughts exactly as they have appeared in her head, and we follow the process from when her husband says it at the kitchen table, until they have to sign the divorce papers, and she has to get used to calling her husband, who has had breast surgery, wears makeup and handbags, changed her social security number and now goes by the name Lili.

The novel is structured with a parallel story about Columbus' supposed discovery of India. It is beautifully linked together as a journey that gives us the impression of how Selja Ahava's husband's gender change has been a huge journey with ups and downs for her. Today, there is a strong emphasis on the fact that it must be acceptable to change gender – but everything is taken into account for the person who wants the gender change. What about the person's relatives? 

The woman in the story responds by praising the man for his courage, and she walks around the kitchen table and gives him a hug. But shortly afterwards, as the woman slowly begins to realize what is really happening, the triggering thoughts come. The author's world collapses, and she asks the question: Can you mourn the loss of someone who hasn't died? It is a deep and thought-provoking question, and it puts the situation into perspective in relation to what the relatives have to go through during such a gender change.

Available via bogrummet.dk

and goodreads