Eleanor Anne Dote - Walking Towards Cordelia

2022, Eleanor Anne Dote, English, USA,

Full title: "Walking Towards Cordelia: A story of becoming, accepting, and the journey to get there" by Eleanor Anne Dote.

"For much of his life, Darryl knew that there was something different about him. Femininity came naturally, but being a boy was hard. The kids on the playground would tease him about it, and the assumption by many people - including himself - was that he was destined to be gay. Finding an escape in the church, Darryl eventually found himself married with three children and in full time ministry when his world completely began to crumble around him. "Walking Towards Cordelia" is the personal story of transgender experience and LGBTQ+ identity and coming to terms with that in the midst of a culture and religion that forbids it."

"For as long as I can remember, I’ve always related to girls. My best friends in kindergarten were girls, and that trend continued on all through my adult life. Now, you might think that this is perfectly normal for a girl – except that’s the problem: I wasn’t one."

"For a good majority of my life, I knew something was different. I battled fears that perhaps I was gay – after all, that’s what the kids said I was on the playground. Of course, it was in a taunting sort of way, but…. The word still hung out there, just waiting for me to just accept the label and embrace it. Except it wasn’t who I was. I didn’t know what the problem was, except that I was struggling. I had to focus and make an effort to not do things that were too feminine – even down to the way I sat and the way I walked. I didn’t know why, but I worked hard to try and teach myself many of the social norms in an effort to fit in and lessen the teasing."

"It’s not that anyone actually came up to me and told me that being gay was wrong. But at the time – the 80’s and 90’s – we were facing several issues that put the LGBTQ+ community in a bad light. One of the biggest events of that time are still felt today – the AIDS crisis. People labelled it the “gay disease,” and said that it was “God’s punishment for homosexuality.” Fact of the matter is – nobody knew. We just knew people were dying. Then Ellen came out. And in the midst of that controversy, I watched as she publicly lost everything in the fallout. No, nobody had to tell me that being gay was wrong – I already felt it in my subconscious that being gay meant either dying or losing everything. So I was determined not to be gay, or even ask questions of that matter. Nope. Not me."

Available via Amazon

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