In her memoir I Hardly Knew Me: Following Love, Faith, and Skittles to a Transgender Awakening, Nia Chiaramonte offers an intimate portrait of transition that is striking for its immediacy. Rather than narrating her journey from the safe distance of hindsight, she writes from within the unfolding moments themselves, therapy sessions, late-night reflections, family conversations, and the uncertain but luminous steps toward authenticity. The result is a profoundly human book that refuses simplification, capturing the painful, messy, and beautiful process of becoming oneself.
The title itself, I Hardly Knew Me, conveys the heart of Chiaramonte’s story: years of hiding, even from herself. “I used to be so hidden that even I couldn’t see who I was,” she writes, a confession that resonates deeply with anyone who has lived in silence or fear. That silence eventually breaks, sometimes quietly, sometimes with shattering force, in moments like posting her truth online, enduring the echo of responses and silences, and sharing vulnerable conversations with her wife Katie and their children. Through it all, Nia’s voice is both tender and unflinching, guiding readers through her discovery that authenticity is not only possible but necessary for survival.
What makes this memoir especially resonant is how it weaves the personal with the universal. Nia writes about her evangelical, fundamentalist Christian upbringing in the Midwest, where her trans identity was buried under layers of shame and unworthiness. As she shared in my interview with her, she first studied psychology in the hope of understanding human behavior, only to realize she was still locked away from herself. “I thought that studying people would help me understand myself and ultimately it did,” she explained, “but in order to use my Psych background to help understand myself and come into my full identity, I first had to get through the shame and worthlessness that had become my identity from my religious upbringing.” That tension between faith, identity, and self-acceptance runs throughout the book, making it not only a story of transition but also of spiritual reconciliation.
The book also takes on larger cultural significance. At a time when trans lives are politicized and reduced to talking points, I Hardly Knew Me restores humanity and complexity. It offers readers, trans and cis alike, a reminder that identity is not abstract but lived, and that the cost of hiding is immense. Through her candid storytelling, Nia dismantles stereotypes and offers instead a vivid, layered narrative about faith, resilience, and authenticity.
Her work has already been recognized by prominent voices. Rev. Brandan Robertson calls the book “a testament to the power of authenticity, resilience, and the transformative grace of unconditional love.” Thomas Jay Oord highlights the immediacy of the writing, noting that the chapters feel “live” as Nia discovers herself moment by moment. Others, like Rev. Dr. Jacqui Lewis, situate the memoir as a sacred text of sorts, revealing how self-discovery deepens our connection to divine and human love alike.
Beyond the book, Nia continues to live out her mission of creating safe spaces for others. Together with her wife Katie, she co-founded Love in the Face, a platform that supports LGBTQ+ individuals and their families through the often turbulent process of coming out and embracing authenticity. Their earlier co-authored book, Embracing Queer Family, became a practical guide for navigating these transitions with compassion. Nia’s professional work in human resources has likewise centered on creating workplaces where people feel seen and supported, carrying her ethos of love and safety into every sphere of her life.
What stands out, both in her book and in conversation, is Nia’s groundedness. She doesn’t romanticize transition or portray herself as a flawless heroine. Instead, she speaks of tiredness, of trial-and-error in fashion and makeup, of unexpected bodily changes like shrinking feet, and of the ongoing negotiation between dysphoria, societal expectations, and personal comfort. Her honesty is refreshing, she is a trans woman, yes, but also a wife, a mother, a professional, a writer, and a human being continually learning what it means to live authentically.Ultimately, I Hardly Knew Me is a memoir about awakening. Not just awakening to gender identity, but awakening to the fullness of being alive, loved, and worthy. It is about the courage to move from silence to voice, from hiding to presence, from shame to love. For trans readers, it offers recognition and hope. For cis readers, it opens a window into lives too often distorted or erased. And for all readers, it reminds us that the bravest act is not to become someone new, but to finally embrace who we have always been.
As Nia told me at the close of our interview, she hopes her memoir will allow her to talk more with others about their dreams and identities, and how we can build safe spaces together. In that sense, I Hardly Knew Me is more than a book. It is an invitation, to honesty, to love, and to the radical act of truly knowing ourselves.
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Photo via Heroines of My Life
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