Original title: "Er? Sie? Ich! - Ein Leben zwischen Zerrissenheit, Verzweiflung und Glück" (He? They? I! - A Life Between Conflict, Despair, and Happiness) by Katja Heilmann.
Katja Heilmann’s book Er? Sie? Ich! - Ein Leben zwischen Zerrissenheit, Verzweiflung und Glück is a moving and honest account of a life lived between two worlds, searching for identity, peace, and happiness. It tells the story of a person who was born in 1970 in the former East Germany and grew up in a time and place where the concept of being transgender simply did not exist in the public mind. It was a time when conformity was not only expected but required, and the idea that someone might feel different inside than what society told them they were allowed to be was unthinkable. For Katja, this meant a childhood filled with confusion and loneliness, as she realized that her interests, emotions, and self-image did not match those of other children of the same sex.
From early on, Katja sensed something within her that she could not name. As a child, she was drawn to things that others around her considered inappropriate or strange for her gender. At first, she did not think much of it, but when puberty arrived, these feelings grew stronger, and so did her sense of conflict. She did not understand why she felt the way she did, and there was nobody she could turn to. The topic of transsexuality was completely taboo in the GDR, and no one dared to speak of it. So she kept her feelings hidden, inventing small ways to express her true self in secret, all the while carrying a growing weight of shame and self-doubt.
