Imagine you are at a birthday party. You do not know many people there, and by chance you sit next to a young woman you have never met before. She seems approachable, the conversation warms up, and suddenly you realize she is trans. For many people, this becomes the perfect moment to unload a flood of questions, questions rarely asked with bad intentions, but often intrusive, repetitive, or simply exhausting for the person receiving them. When did you know you were trans? What did your parents say? Have you had surgery? How do you have sex? Don’t trans women have an advantage in sports?
It is this all-too-familiar scenario that inspired Valentina Berr’s La respuesta a todo lo que le preguntarías a una tía trans (The Answer to Everything You Would Ask a Trans Aunt), published by Editorial Egales. In this book, Berr flips the script: instead of being cornered by strangers, she takes the initiative and writes down all the answers herself, with humor, warmth, and disarming honesty.
The idea is simple but powerful. Many trans women have experienced being turned into unwilling teachers at social gatherings, forced into conversations about their past, their bodies, and their most intimate details with people they hardly know. Berr acknowledges this paradox, recognizing that the questions will keep coming whether or not she wants them to. So she decides to create a safe space in which curiosity can be satisfied without causing harm. She invites readers to imagine that she is that trans woman at the party, and the book is the conversation you might secretly want to have. But this time, she is in control. “Today, that girl is me, and this book will be that conversation,” she writes. “Here you will find the answers to all the ‘Can I ask you something?’ questions you can think of about being trans.”
Far from being a dry manual, the book is lively, entertaining, and pedagogical. Berr’s writing is playful and engaging, meant to be read with a smile even when it touches on painful or controversial subjects. She dismantles stereotypes, explains realities, and encourages readers to think critically about how culture shapes our perception of gender. The goal is not only to provide answers but also to clear the way for more interesting conversations about love, politics, identity, and the everyday experiences of trans women.
The book opens with a prologue by Alana S. Portero, the Spanish poet and novelist whose recent international success has made her one of the most important trans voices of our time. Other authors have praised the book for its originality and generosity. Ira Hybris, author of Mutantes y divinas, highlights how Berr uses humor and closeness to subvert the act of questioning itself, making readers believe they are receiving answers while, in reality, they leave with more profound questions of their own. Sara Torres, poet and novelist, calls Berr’s voice “generous, intelligent, and seductively lesbian,” praising her ability to answer even the most insensitive questions with empathy. Writer Roy Galán celebrates the book as a discovery of joy and dignity, emphasizing the urgency with which Berr defends life itself.
Valentina lectures on gender and sexuality, drawing from her postgraduate studies in Gender and Communication at the Universitat Autònoma de Barcelona.
Her work has been recognized with awards from the City Council of Ripollet, as well as the 2022 ATA-Sylvia Rivera T Awards for her defense of trans rights. In 2023 she was ambassador of the Jocs Taronja, an international LGBTI+ sporting event. Alongside her new book, she has also written on lesbian and bisexual imaginaries in Otros rastros and contributed the prologue to Jules Gill-Peterson’s A Short History of Transmisogyny (Verso Books).
What makes La respuesta a todo lo que le preguntarías a una tía trans so vital is its refusal to let curiosity become a trap. Too often, trans women are silenced while simultaneously being forced to explain themselves. By writing down the answers in her own terms, Berr turns that awkward moment of interrogation into a moment of generosity and control.
For readers who find heavy theory intimidating, the book is a refreshing and accessible alternative, playful yet rigorous, empathetic yet uncompromising. As Ira Hybris suggests, the transformation lies not only in the knowledge gained but in the shift of perspective it provokes.
Berr’s debut is therefore more than just a book of answers. It is a manifesto disguised as a conversation, a witty toolkit for anyone who has ever wanted to ask a trans woman a question but did not know how. With empathy, clarity, and humor, Berr turns intrusive curiosity into a spark for meaningful dialogue. Whether you are an ally, a skeptic, or simply someone who is curious, this book invites you to sit down, open your mind, and listen. Because sometimes the simplest questions, the ones we whisper at a birthday party, can lead to the most extraordinary conversations.
Available via Amazon
Photo via Instagram
Post a Comment