Robyn Casias - Gender Queer

2019, English, Robyn Casias, Skyler Lott,

Full title: "Gender Queer: Book 1" by Robyn Casias (Skyler Lott). The whole series consists of four books: Gender Queer, Manlyhood, The Great Gender Wall of China, and Here Comes Meili, Ready or Not.

“Gender Queer: Book 1” by Robyn Casias, also known as Skyler Lott, is the beginning of an extraordinary autobiographical journey told through fiction, poetry, and raw emotion. The book, subtitled As the Carousel Turns: Gender War, serves as the opening act in a four-part series chronicling a deeply personal odyssey of transformation. What unfolds in its pages is not simply the story of transitioning from male to female, but an exploration of the inner worlds, alter egos, and cultural landscapes that shaped that transformation. Robyn Casias writes with a voice that is both reflective and defiant, guiding readers through the intricate carousel of identity, self-discovery, and the courage to live as one’s authentic self.

 

The series begins with Gender Queer, which introduces two central personas: Meili and Manly. Meili is the feminine essence that Robyn recognized in herself from early childhood, a radiant, imaginative presence longing for expression. Meili’s world is filled with color, music, and emotional depth, yet her voice was often silenced in a world that did not understand or accept her. Growing up, the author describes moments of trying to wear girls’ clothes or express herself through Meili’s “flower power version of her Rainbow,” only to be met with confusion or rejection. To survive, Meili was gradually pushed into the background, and a new persona, Manly, was created. Manly became the mask, the socially acceptable version of self that could navigate the expectations of masculinity. Through Manly’s eyes, Robyn experienced much of life’s milestones, school, work, relationships, while Meili waited quietly in the shadows, whispering reminders of who she truly was.

 

The narrative structure of the book mirrors the spinning motion of a carousel, moving between moments of joy, confusion, and heartbreak. Robyn uses vivid metaphor and emotional language to capture the chaos of trying to reconcile two conflicting identities. She likens her younger years to taking the “psychedelic express train to Alice in Genderland,” a surreal and isolating place where she could sing but never be heard. The prose oscillates between poetic introspection and candid confession, creating a rhythm that feels both dreamlike and painfully real. The “Gender War” of the subtitle is not only societal but deeply internal, a conflict between authenticity and survival, between expression and suppression, between Meili and Manly.

 

While Gender Queer focuses primarily on the early stages of that journey, it sets the stage for what follows in the series. In Manlyhood, Robyn delves deeper into the years dominated by her male persona. Manly is not a villain but a protector, a carefully constructed identity that allowed Robyn to function in a world unready to accept her true self. These chapters of life include love, work, and the search for purpose, all colored by the tension of living behind a mask. Eventually, the stories in Manlyhood lead toward the breaking point, the moment when maintaining the illusion becomes impossible, and Meili begins to reemerge.

 

The third book, The Great Gender Wall of China, shifts the story into an almost cinematic exploration of love, destiny, and cultural discovery. After the collapse of a long marriage, Robyn embarks on a journey that takes her across the world, both literally and emotionally. In these chapters, she writes about traveling to China in search of connection, meeting her “Little China Girl,” and navigating the bureaucratic maze of a fiancée visa process. Beneath the surface of this love story runs the deeper theme of searching for self. Even while living as Manly, there is a growing awareness that Meili’s reawakening is inevitable. The “Great Gender Wall” becomes a metaphor not just for cultural barriers, but for the walls within, the partitions built between who we are and who we pretend to be.

 

The series culminates in Here Comes Meili, Ready or Not, which captures the joy, fear, and liberation of social transition. After bringing his fiancée from China to the United States, Robyn begins to live openly as Meili, reclaiming the identity she had long suppressed. These final episodes chronicle the reintroduction to family, friends, and community, as well as the complex emotions that come with being seen, truly seen, for the first time. There is no single moment of triumph in Meili’s story; instead, the victory lies in persistence, in choosing honesty over comfort, and in embracing both love and loss as part of becoming whole.

 

Taken together, the four books form a remarkable literary and spiritual cycle. They are not only memoirs but reflections on gender, culture, and the human spirit’s resilience. Robyn Casias writes with the intimacy of someone who has lived many lives within one body, and her words resonate with anyone who has ever struggled to align their outer world with their inner truth. Gender Queer: Book 1 is both an origin story and an invitation to witness the carousel of identity as it turns, revealing new colors with every revolution. It captures the confusion of childhood, the compromises of adulthood, and the transcendence of self-acceptance.

 

By the time readers reach the final pages, they understand that Meili is not just a name but a declaration. Meili stands for the beauty of authenticity, the courage to exist beyond binary expectations, and the joy of coming home to oneself. Robyn Casias’s series is a testament to that journey, a tapestry of struggle, laughter, heartbreak, and spiritual awakening. Gender Queer: Book 1 opens the door to that world, inviting readers to step aboard the carousel and experience the turning of life’s many colors for themselves.

Available via Amazon

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